things my grandad says

'I bloody hate cats. Some lady outside the shop once asked me if I wanted to donate to cat relief and I said NO I bloody hate the things'

'The cure for keeping animals out of the garden is a tin of meat and some poison'

'I do like rabbits....when they're cooked and in a pie'

To Tom

'you should start a new band...and call it THE SLOBS'

whilst I was talking

'Becky! have you been studying those Australian actresses?!'

'a lot of people live until they die'

to my brother

'you're the youngest one so you're the most important one now'

Grandad on the elderly

'When I was your age we used to just lock old people in the cupboard'

Mary had a little lamb

'the butcher killed it dead,
and now little Mary goes to school,
with meat between her bread'

'some of the things I've done in my life would make your hair curl'

Grandad on DNA

'Becky you are very lucky because you've got not bad quite alright looking parents, the same for you Laura, you're lucky you've got a mum and dad or you might look like a monkey'

Grandad gets the Internet

[on the phone] 'there's something wrong with my computer..every time I try and type in my password these little black dots come up instead of the letters'

'As soon as I get onto windows ALL the women will be after me'

Grandad singing in the rain.

Happy 82nd Birthday Grandad!

errr

'When you were a baby Becky I used to drag you around by your ankles and you would HOWL'

Grandad's pride in his grandchildren..

'You, Laura and Tom....you're the three bums'

on viewing the Eric Prydz-Call on Me video

'Now THAT is more like it'

Grandad thinks he's getting old

'you laugh now Becky, but when you look back on me all those years later you'll say..he was a cute old grandad of mine'

Grandad gets the internet

'becky I'm officially a NERD now!!'

Grandad puts the pressure on

'The only thing that will make me happy is you and Laura having babies so I can push them around in the pram and then they can look out and smile at everyone'

Grandad's pep talk 2

Brother plays a song to the family he has written himself. Applause, praise etc.
My Grandad
'Listen Tom, you're not bad, but you're not the best yet. There's no use listening to all the bullshit off this lot or all the wallop Ken is coming out with. I'm your biggest fan and your harshest critic ok'.